Yada Yada

and I've never felt so at home somewhere in so short a time. I went to my new apartment earlier, sat in one of my leather armchairs and cried for about half an hour. I own furniture now. I know it seems like such a silly thing, but it's something I never thought I would have. I've gotten so used to moving often and staying in previously furnished places that to have my OWN chairs and table and bed and TV makes me really happy.

I'm also amazed at how far I've been able to come in a month, socially. I really feel a connection to the Rhinos, and I have the impression that they like me too. It amazes me that that could be true, but i really think they might and it makes me more determined than ever. I think I'm doing well but I'd still like to be better. I'm really having fun here, though, and for me that's pretty huge. I'm trying to break down the walls a little and fight through the feelings of worthlessness.

I get to stay here another two months before I need to do anything. At the end of January I have to apply for an extension of stay, and take my passport and application to the migration office in Boden. I'll have received another stipend by then, so I shouldn't have an issue. I just wish I knew how long to ask for. I think I'll go with 6 months since it seems fairly safe. it's not too long and I'll have money to support myself and then some for that time period.

...not too sure what else to say, so I'll stop now. :P

1. On October 17th I got my Medic Alert tattoos on my wrists that I've been planning for a long time now. On my left wrist is a Rod of Asclepius, stylized a little bit, and on the right is text reading "Diabetes Type 1" in script. I'm counting these guys as one tattoo since they were always intended as a set. I'm still kind of in love with them.

Start Date: July 26th, 2008

1. 7/26/08: Took Lisa out for lunch to celebrate her new job.
2. 8/23/08: Went shopping with Lisa.
3. 7/1/09: Went to the theater with my Nans and Papa.
4. 7/3/09: Went shopping and out to eat with my aunt Lori.
5. 9/23/09: Hung out with Lisa.
6. 10/20/09: Went to Leia's and had a 3R marathon after finally getting to Pite.
7. 10/31/09: Nano kickoff at CD's.
8. 11/02/09: Breakfast with the Rhinos and then 3R at Leia's.
9. 11/07/09: Rhino meetup.
10. 11/09/09: Rhino breakfast.
11. 11/11/09: Hanna's concert and then a meetup at Anna's.
12. 11/14/09: Rhino meetup at Leia's followed by Tropic Thunder. lol
13. 11/15/09: 2012 at the theater with friends.
14. 11/16/09: Rhino breakfast and then CD and I went shopping.
15. 11/17/09: Rhino meetup/Iron Man at the Lesbian Writing Pad.

36. 11/21/08 - Time to Leave (French). A. Perfect and sad and omg why the hell can't American movies be half this good?
37. 11/23/08 - Garden State. A+. I'd heard it was great and I'm glad I finally got around to seeing it.
38. 11/24/08 - This is England. A. This was really disturbing and hard to watch in places, but it's a brilliant film.
39. 2/28/09 - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Everyone says this is great and it might be, but it freaked me the fuck out. I hate movies like this, they scare me to death. C-.
40. 3/2/09 - I'm a Cyborg, But That's Okay (Korean) - Really good. Meant to be lighthearted but i thought it was a really beautiful depiction of life in a mental health facility. A.
41. 3/15/09 - The Departed. Good. Not my favorite by any means but still decent. B.
42. Sometime in late March, 2009 - About Schmidt. I watched this with some people I met at the hostel in Galway but forget to put it in. I loved it, really really good (but that might have something to do with the fact that I love Jack Nicholson). A
43. 7/04/09 - Black Hawk Down. Not terrible for a war movie. C
44. 7/25/09 - Seven Pounds. Pretty good. Really implausible but I still enjoyed it. B
45. 8/01/09 - Valkyrie. Awesome. Love WWII movies though, so that's probably why. A
46. 8/03/09 - The Hangover. Hilarious. I thought it'd be fucktarded, and it was, but so great. A+
47. 8/15/09 - Inkheart. Kid's movie and I wasn't too enthralled, but Lisa wanted to watch it and it wasn't completely horrid. C-
48. 8/15/09 - The Mist. This was horrible. Dumbest, least scary film ever. F
49. 10/08/09 - Män som hatar kvinnor. This was absolutely badass. Adore it! A+
50.10/28/09 - The Wrestler. I thought I was gonna hate this but it was decent. B
51. 11/16/09 - Tropic Thunder. Highlarious. Loved it. A+
52. 11/16/09 - 2012. Saw this in the cinema with some friends and it was great. B+
53. 11/18/09 - Iron Man. A lot better than I was expecting! B+

I've been thinking a lot about the apartment I agreed to move into next Monday, and I'm having some serious misgivings. I suppose they were there all along, but having two Swedes say that my concerns are valid has made me rethink the entire situation.

I was told that since I have no personnumber it's impossible for my credit to be checked, and that a deposit must be placed. That's fair and was completely expected. I simply do not understand why the deposit needs to be three months of rent, in advance. According to my landlord, this money will not be used toward rent, but will be held by him until I move out, at which point I'll get it back. He says this is a security measure for him since he can't check my credit. he has made it a point to tell me several different times that this is how things are done in Sweden, which I find to be complete bullshit upon recollection because I've spoken to potential landlords in the past and none have ever required three months' rent in advance. One month, yes, as that seems pretty standard, but three? Plus the first month along with that, making the total 12,000SEK before I can even move in?

What's bothering me is that it seems like a fairly steep amount for a deposit, especially one that will not be used toward the rent at all. I'm no stranger to deposits, but i think this one is unreasonable. I just looked over the rental contract and there is no mention of this deposit amount AT ALL. Nowhere on the contract is a deposit mentioned that I can see (it's in Swedish) and if it is, the amount isn't written down. Anywhere. So basically, I have no legal recourse if he chooses not to give it back to me when I move out. That's quite a bit of money to simply give to someone and trust his word on. He's already stretched the truth a bit by telling me that this is standard procedure in Sweden. From what I'm hearing, it's not. It may be HIS policy, but it's not "how we do things in Sweden."

This man is running his own business and I understand he needs to take safety measures. That's fine with me. I just don't want to be taken advantage of since I'm a foreigner and he feels like he can pass this off as a standard thing because I don't know any better. He seems like a decent guy. I don't know that he wouldn't give me the deposit back, but not having it even mentioned anywhere on the contract is sending up MAJOR red flags. I was also told as an aside that the girl currently renting there wants to switch her cable service into my name. That seems a bit fishy to me. That plus the fact that there would be so many extra expenses with this place are making me seriously reconsider renting there. I might be better served looking for a more short-term thing for now and paying month to month without such a huge deposit right up front. Don't know, but at least I have the hostel until then. Gah. lol

is kinda killing my poor little brain! lol. Not really, I'm just pathetically behind on my word count. So what am I doing? Updating here, of course. I should join Mensa or something. :P

Updates have been lacking recently, mainly because I'm a busy bee. I met a fantastic group of people for nano, and they're quickly becoming a surrogate family. I've never been so social in all my life and I'm very happy that it's not anywhere near as scary as i'd thought it would be. I also got myself a really cool little apartment.

I'm really growing attached to Pite. It's the little town I've always dreamed about living in, and I desperately want to stay. In January I'm going to apply for an extension of stay and prolong my visit as long as I can, I just hate that I have to leave the country for three months when it's over. Better than nothing though, I suppose. Still undecided as to applying to Uppsala next year or just sticking with this program and living here half to thee quarters of the year. Gah. I need to find a job or someone that can put up with me so I can just get an actual residence permit! Haha. Really though, I'm so happy to be here even if i can't stay forever. i can always come back, and that's really nice to know.

and met my potential landlord. She's really pretty and nice, and the apartment is awesome. A bit smaller than I envisioned but still plenty of room for me. I'm just a bit leery about taking the place, since she said she's taking the couch with her and i'd have to find my own. sigh. Also, I'm not sure I want to sign a lease until the end of June. I'm not that worried about it since I'll have money to apply for an extension of stay in January and see no reason i wont get it, but if for some reason theyre assholes again i'll owe this chick $750+ a month. I don't know. I love the location and it's a really nice place, but...meh i guess i gotta think about it.

I called the hostel and booked a room for a week, so that's good. The guy I spoke to was cute as hell and he cut me a deal. I have a double room to myself for a week for 1600SEK, which is really fucking nice. The only problem is that he gave me codes for the doors and I didnt have a pen, and he's not working tomorrow. haha this is gonna suck ass. oh well, i'm sure i'll figure it out. I'm just glad I have a place to go that's so cheap.

is pretty awesome. I like how quaint and peaceful it is here and I really like that a lot of the houses and apartment buildings are painted happy colors. Back home everything is white and grey or some shade of brown, here they're yellow and red and sky blue and I love that. It looks so happy.

Discussing the hotness of the singer Pink:

DD says (7:58 PM):
 hahaha
 she has tattoos, she has muscles, she has boobs...
 and she's not exactly ugly
MT says (7:58 PM):
 well i have all those things too!
 dammit but i am ugly
 i lose
DD says (7:58 PM):
 LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
 and i only have the tattoos
 major fail

I finished this one on Saturday/Sunday. Lisa came over and we talked for eleventy billion hours and watched shitty movies and also buffy. It was nice.

Completion date: August 13th, 2009
This one is taking forever, but I'm almost halfway through now. I'd be much worse off if I hadn't started writing them in ink the first time in 2005, though. I have way too many poems, lol.

7/4/09: Making some more progress on this. Purging a lot of the ones that I think are major suck and only inking those that I deem worthy.

8/13/09: Finished copying all the decent ones from my old journals in ink. I still need to get some of the ones I have online, but the task is completed.

I am absolutely livid right now.

My best friend is staying the night with me. She's currently sleeping, but we had a conversation earlier today that upset me very, very much.



Just....gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah I want to help her and I don't know if I can and I'm way too angry to write anything else right now.

4. The Wild Trees by Richard Preston -This was incredible. It's about the giant redwoods in Northern California and the people who use a system of ropes and pulleys to climb them. Very interesting and makes me wanna go try it, although I'd no doubt die.

5. Codependent No More by Melody Beattie - Read this for school and absolutely loved it. Learned a lot.

6. Nobody Nowhere by Donna Williams -Loved this so much.

7. The Center Cannot Hold by Dr. Elyn Saks - I adore this book and admire Dr. Saks quite a bit. She's a great writer and her descriptions of her life with schizophrenia are amazing.

August 5th, 2009: Grades were posted today, and I passed everything, which means I met all the requirements for my degree. I'm a college graduate.August 5th, 2009: Grades were posted today, and I passed everything, which means I met all the requirements for my degree. I'm a college graduate.

Since my block finally broke, I think I might actually be able to do this. Yay. The story is to be 40 chapters in total.

3/30/08 - Chapter 13
4/10/08 -Chapter 14
4/25/08 - Chapter 15
5/21/08 -Chapter 16
5/24/08 -Chapter 17
5/26/08 -Chapter 18
6/5/08 -Chapter 19
6/18/08 -Chapter 20
7/2/08 -Up through Chapter 25
10/26/08 -posted Chapter 32.
3/14/09 -posted Chapter 36.
6/5/09 - posted chapter 37.
7/15/09 -posted Chapter 38.
7/23/09 - posted Chapter 40.
Task completed on July 23rd. Feels really nice to be free, finally. lol

7/30/08: As of the last update to Nothing, I've written 10. This is slow going lol.

10/23/08: Wrote two more for DD in the most recent update to Nothing.

7/4/09: As of today's posting, count stands at 22.

7/27/09: Write four more for a school project. Total stands at 26.

60. DD's mom saying silly things in English with a heavy Swedish accent.
61. Reindeer!!
62. Realizing that despite my pessimism, I got an A and a B in classes I was certain I was going to fail.
63. Having a backup plan and a head start.
64. Dr. Pepper in Sweden - for some reason it just tastes better.
65. Getting accepted at Lund University.
66. Working.
67. Eledees/Elebits. lol
68. Running.
69. Seinfeld.
70. The fact that my mom's parents have always acted like there's nothing out of the ordinary about me being gay.

Started: July 1st, 2009

1. July 1st, 2009: My Sister's Keeper.
2. July 8th, 2009: The Proposal. I had no desire to see this but my Nans wanted to, so I did. It wasn't bad.