InsaneJournal

16. Truly start believing that I'm good enough to be accepted by people without embellishing my life
Start Date: March 09, 2008
This one is gonna take awhile, but at least I've started it. It's really, really hard, but every time I get a little bit of the past I'm so ashamed of out of my head it helps. And the scariest part is that I'm finally okay with people knowing about it. Only certain people of course, and only certain things, but it's a start.

I'm finally starting to believe that there really might be a day I wake up and feel calm and quiet inside. I'm always so fucking anxious and fearful of rejection, and that's probably never going to go away completely. But there are at least two people in this world who haven't run away yet. Before, everyone always has at some point, so I stopped believing that there'd ever be anyone who wouldn't.

Now I sorta feel like there's the slightest possibility that people will accept me without me needing to embellish anything to make myself sound like a better person. It's weird, since doing that had become such a habit for me. It's nice to feel like I'm free of that now. I truly don't feel the compulsion to do it anymore, and it makes me really happy to be able to say that.

Update: July 20th, 2008: So I was reading this again, and without even thinking about it, I've completed this task. I went to two classes at a university campus and felt no desire to embellish anything about myself. When I meet someone, I always admit to being a boring hermit. lol. Not that being a hermit is good, and I hope to correct that, but it's nice to know that I don't feel the need to tell people that I'm someone I'm not so they'll like me. They either will or wont for who I am. Yay! Task completed.