InsaneJournal

4. Make peace with my father and stepmother, even if it’s only inside myself.
I know I've been neglecting this, and my only real excuse is depression. Not that that's much of an excuse, but it's what I'm using. I had to rewrite a few of my tasks as well since I've decided not to attend L4. That, and I dunno how to make the sidebar list into links when I actually do something, so apparently I'm doing it wrong, Whatever, it's a list and I'm crossing them out as I go.

Anyway, today as I was riding the bus home from school it dawned on me that sometime in the past few days, I've made peace with my childhood. Not entirely, and to be honest I probably never will, but enough so that the black pit of nothing inside of me when I think of it doesn't hurt nearly as much anymore.

The whole thing is a long story. Suffice it to say that after my mom died, my dad married a woman who always made me feel completely worthless. Everything I did was stupid to her. She'd take my books away because she said it was idiotic for me to be a nerd rather than to go outside and play sports (I fucking hate sports). So, yeah. That and the fact that my dad isn't exactly the nicest guy in the world made me a reclusive kid, and getting booted onto the street when I was 16 because I was gay didn't do much for me either. And honestly, I'm still angry about it. I probably always will be.

But the weird thing is that I can be angry about it, and still have made peace with it. What they did wasn't right, but it wasn't because of anything I did. It's because they're shitty parents. that doesn't make me any less of a person.

It's kinda nice to know.